Sunday, 28 October 2012

We still name storms?!

I'm very entertained by the people freaking out about this "monster storm."

It's a category 1 that will downgrade to tropical storm upon making landfall. The Susquehanna will flood with a light dew anyway, and did I mention Carlisle and the Cumberland Valley get more rain than the rest of the state normally?

Maybe you all just can't deal with no electricity. It sucks, sure, but suck it the fuck up. The people so scared of this storm are the same scarf-wearing, tea-guzzling tumblr addicts who wear leggings as pants and were, in all likelihood, all into helping Japan after their earthquake/tsunami(s) and I'm sure were donating to the Red Cross when Katrina ravaged New Orleans.

That's because those were actual disasters! This is nothing more than a huge rainstorm with stronger winds! (read: the hipsters got one right - savor it)

At the same time, I am kind of excited. I haven't been in a hurricane since 2005. I remember standing out on the beach on Fripp Island, a 3-mile-long resort in the Sea Islands about 15 miles or so off the coast of Beaufort, South Carolina. Palmettos were blowing apart and the sand was being kicked up on the beach, but there I was observing 10-foot waves in a place where they're rarely more than a foot.

My street floods if we get a few inches of rain, or even an inch, I don't know. The drains clog, you see.

"Oh but what if a tree falls on your house?" What? There is ONE tree, and if it "fell," it would end up merely leaning on my house or my neighbor's shed, and would be a bit of a nuisance if anything. Plus this is the neighbor who's using power tools at 1 AM (not in a loud bothersome way, though). I'm positive he's got a chainsaw in there somewhere.

"But everyone is cancelling school and classes and trains and planes oh my!" Where I come from, they cancel school if there's half an inch of snow because a) NO ONE fucking knows how to drive, or else they drive a Prius because their swollen heads are too far up their self-righteous asses to realize that trucks and SUVs serve a purpose beyond hauling your four kids to soccer and b) some townships, including mine, have yet to comprehend the idea of salting the road before it snows and then plowing it after, instead opting to do neither. Your fucking tax dollars at work (and our public schools suck, too).

People need to stop being so damn sensitive! Maybe the media gets off on fear-mongering (see: election), or maybe people just crave a good apocalyptic experience (see: 2012), but either way, this has got to stop.

I get the impression that maybe it's just a bunch of lazy, rich white kids who want two days off school to smoke the rest of their weed they bought with mommy and daddy's weekly allowance.

Remember Irene? No, of course you don't.

Unless, of course, you live in Vermont. In Reading and Woodstock, Vermont, Irene destroyed local businesses that served the population, ravaged farms and timber land, and washed out bridges as well as most of route 106. Route 106 is to those small towns what the femoral artery is the human leg.

And you know what? Instead of waiting for the government's excuse of "aid," the supposedly "liberal commie baby-killing tree-hugging" Vermonters got in their trucks and fucking re-built the roads and bridges (also using it as an opportunity to make them better). My aunt's road got re-routed as a result since it had simply dropped off into a chasm after the storm (it's unpaved). They took hundreds and hundreds of dump trucks full of dirt all over and recovered faster than anyone expected.

You people are ridiculous. These eco-friendly, tree-hugging, "save the planet" environmentalist types are the ones scared of Mother Nature? Really?

This is why we are the laughingstock of the world.

Go ahead. Find a Japanese student on campus and ask what they're doing to prepare for this monster storm. See how they react.

No? Find someone from the South. Better yet, find a black person from the South (prepare for a slap across the face if they're from anywhere near Louisiana).

Learn how to deal with the real world and take things as they come.

Or, you know, stay inside and drink.

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